Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Many Uses of Vodka

My baptist grandmother has a bottle of vodka under her kitchen sink. She would never drink it, but she swares by a list of ways you could use vodka. I thought the list was very helpful and wanted to share it with you guys.

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive. Or you could just drink the vodka and then rip the bandage off. Six of one, half dozen the other.

2. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.Kinda gives the term "beer goggles" a new meaning.

3. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.Because when you cut yourself shaving, it feels so much better to get vodka in your cut.

4. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.This is an example of irony.

5. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.Then walk around smelling like an alcoholic all day.

6. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. But does it give you great body like the beer shampoo from the 70s?

7. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.Or get them drunk and angry.

8. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes. Again, I'm guessing there's a little more pain relief in the ingestion of this ice pack.

9. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains. Or drizzle over sorbet, chocolate cake, or flan for a sweet floral flavor with citrus notes.

10. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.Yes, this is exactly what doctors recommend. Along with: a half an onion placed under the bed of a sick person will draw off fever and poisons; red ribbon should be placed on a child who has been sick to keep the illness from returning; placing a hand in front of your mouth when sneezing will keep your soul from escaping; seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose and hold your breath until you see a black dog.

11. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka. Does wonders for your breath too!


12. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. Because everyone carries a flask of vodka to the beach with them

13. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

14. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.This is even better if you take a swig of orange juice at the same time.

15. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

See what you think. And let me know -
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