Monday, April 21, 2008

Cheating Men

The chapter for our little book club this week starts with a strange woman coming early to the viewing after the authors father died. It was a woman the father had worked with, a woman who cried uncontrollably, and left before the "proper viewing started." A woman the family didn't know.

The author, born in 1953, says, "Here's the thing. I am now old enough to understand how a guy who cheats on his wife would have to act so that he could cheat on his wife. And then how he'd behave after he did."

What does that even mean? He goes on to say that his dad hated business trips, was always home at 5:30, whistled, was "catholic enough" and enjoyed his children. And that creates an affair proof man?

My father says a man's home situation has to be lacking for a man to want to cheat.Well, to that I say the man is lacking if he's not man enough to be honest and say, It's not working for me - before he's reduced to cheating, sneaking, lying...

Other insane theories include:

1. A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation.

2. Men feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else.

3. It's an ego boost. The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men. They take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship.

4. some have even tried to blame genetics

I imagine that the list is endless.

Truth is, adultery has been around forever, and has always given us something to talk about. Most reality TV shows these days center on it, as do gossip magazines. But we are far from cracking the big mystery: Why do some men cheat in relationships? All men know, at some level, that cheating is wrong. From the earliest age, we are taught the virtues of monogamy. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." Yet it still happens.

More than 50% of all spouses are victims of infidelity, which means that one spouse in most marriages will suffer the greatest marital pain possible at some time during their lifetimes.
If you are on the brink of an affair, you may not be able to get yourself out before you have done untold damage to your family. I believe having an affair is the most cruel decision you could possibly make.

To avoid temptation, use the following rules from Dr. Harvey: 1) Spend all your recreational time either alone or with your spouse, 2) no meals alone with someone of the opposite sex, 3) no rides in cars alone with those of the opposite sex, 4) never tell someone of the opposite sex that you find them attractive or that you like them and 5) if someone of the opposite sex ever tells you that they find you attractive, start talking about how much you love your spouse.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexual immoral. - Hebrews 13:4

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. - Proverbs 31:10

If you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm without fear. - Job 11:14-15
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