Recovering Teacher

AS another school year comes to a close and I watch all of my teacher friends crawl, exhausted from their classroom, emerging like bears after hibernation or a cat scrambling to get out of water! I am laughing uncontrolably!

I love being a "recovering teacher" I just lock my office up at the end of the day -whenever I decide the end of the day should be - and go home - no boxes, bags of folders to lug. I'm done. I'm elated. I'm virtually stress free!

I thought it only fitting to revisit Jeff Foxworthy's take on teachers

YOU might be a teacher if...

...you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick

...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off ..it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered

...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail...anything!!! Without ever looking outside

...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card ...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today." ...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior

...you have no social life between August and June

...you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce

...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce

...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."

...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district

...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form

...you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public

...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?" ...you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference

...you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!

...the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth

.... you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year-but in the summer you are trying to pretend like it's never starting again!